Hey guys! It’s me, Kellyanne. Just a so and so from this and that. Movie reference and an obscure 80s song. You know what I’m saying? Well, read on for more. Check out this hilarious animated gif to explain how I feel because WHO HAS TIME FOR WORDS?
It is not doing anything for me.
Eight slices of meat lover’s pizza in front of me from a self-proclaimed “gourmet pizzeria” and I can barely look at the shite, let alone taste it. Bland slop on fifty cents worth of dough, and because it’s cooked in a primitive way (wood fire) you are going to rob me of thirty dollars?
There should be some kind of rebate program, one in which I could bring my own wood. Cut up this old bunk bed in the garage and get a rebate on my crappy pizza so I can lessen this crushing disappointment.
This ritual of going out after the show and eating with the boys is getting empty.
Post-show rituals have been overly glorified via YouTube “shoot interviews” from former stars.
Wrestlers’ expectations get so over-amped around this myth that their performance getting a beer and having a burger is even better than their one in the ring.
I do not mean they get up to a whole bunch of crazy stuff you could write a book about; I mean it is a complete disconnect from the people they are. In moments when you are supposed to be bonding, you are left even more perplexed about what the state of everything is around you.
How many cashed-up promoters start a wrestling company to get a sniff at this false event?
This “rubbing shoulders with the boys” experience? If you are reading this, Mr./Mrs. Millionaire, it is never going to happen. You are the boss, and by nature, oppressive. They will take your money and fake your fantasy of friendship.
What do you think is going to happen? A Madison Square Garden-type scenario? Suddenly, as the four most popular wrestlers in your company are locked in an embrace, they look over to you in the corporate box and wave you down.
“Oh my god! The fantasy is becoming a reality, and Kellyanne, once again, has proven she’s an idiot.”
The superstars refuse to leave the arena until YOU are in there with them hugging it out, and after, you will all grab a pizza and beer. Something crazy will happen; let’s throw a fight in there or maybe a great rib. All you are left with is a great story that you can tell many people on the internet, and the ghost of this fantasy can linger with you until you rest eternally.
You are chasing the bond. I am telling you the bond is dead. The way we communicate now is set up to destroy it.
Sorry, I am just in a bad mood. I overbooked myself and have been wrestling too much. I can sound all headstrong, but people throw a few compliments at me and increase a match fee, and suddenly everything sounds like a good idea and I agree.
It is the ring time you want. That is the escape. Everything else around creates the need to escape with a multiplier. See the problem? The more crap you agree to, the more the need to escape.
A little side note if you’re still reading this. Jay Briscoe’s words to EC3 in this video leading up to 19th Anniversary were things of beauty. Not just for me, but professional wrestling in general. Understanding the word “honor” in our current state can be extremely difficult. Examples are far and few between. This guy transcends the handshake.
Until next time.
Kellyanne is a pro wrestler from Australia under contract with Ring of Honor. The Other Side w/Kellyanne appears every other Wednesday.