This is the third installment of Pro Wrestling’s greatest column “So Sayeth the Truth” and the reason I know it’s the greatest is the simple fact that numbers do not lie. Speaking of numbers; 9/24/11. The numbers 9/24/11 will go down in history as the date Ring of Honor shook the professional wrestling world. I would like to forewarn all you mere mortals. Children make sure your poopy butts are clean, teenagers make sure your pimples are popped and your tweets are tweeted, mothers make sure the dishes are clean and your daily gossip is over and fathers make sure you are done daydreaming about how much better your life would be without your ungrateful wife and kids. When Ring of Honor airs into your home there will be no time for anything else. You will be glued to your TV in awe as you are witnessing the best in all of professional wrestling…So sayeth the Truth.
Death Before Dishonor IX is upon us. It will take place in New York City, the city that never sleeps. I assure you all that Charlie Haas hasn’t slept ever since he found out his opponent for that night is going to be none other that H.o.T. member “Unbreakable” Michael Elgin. In my opinion, which is the only opinion that matters, Elgin is going to put Haas out to pasture.
This match reminds me of a story when I was a child. Growing up I had a Jackass, and one day this Jackass broke his leg, and when this Jackass broke his leg, my Daddy took his shotgun, put it to that Jackass’ head and blew that Jackass’ brains out. I said “DADDY, DADDY!!! Why did you blow my Jackass’ brains out??” He said “Son, this Jackass is no more use for us, he is old and useless, we have to put him out to pasture, let’s put the Jackass out to pasture”. It didn’t make sense to me then, but it does now. Charlie Hass, the moral of this story is simple, OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW, JACKASS…So sayeth the Truth.
Also at Death Before Dishonor IX there is the “Ringmaster Challenge” Match: “The Worlds Greatest Athlete” Roderick Strong vs. Eddie Edwards. What is so special about a Ringmaster Challenge match? I’ll tell you what is so special. This match is designed to show the entire world who is without a shadow of a doubt the better man is. In a single fall match it can go either way, a wrestler can get lucky, a wrestler can make one simple mistake and lose. So does that mean the winner is the better man? Not necessarily. Anyone can win the lottery, BUT there is no way they can win it twice. The Ringmaster Challenge match is a 2 out of 3 falls match. The first fall can only be won by pin fall, the second fall can only be won by submission and if it happens to go to the third fall, it becomes a 15 minute iron man match. In my opinion, which is the only opinion that matters, on September 17, 2011 all you people will finally learn what I have been saying since day 1, and that is the “Worlds Greatest Athlete” Roderick Strong is a wrestling god. Deep down inside most of you already know this to be true, but in the Ringmaster Challenge match the rest of you nay sayers will have no choice but to believe…So sayeth the Truth! … So Sayeth the House!
I am the “TV, Super Duper, King Kong, Mega Mega, Managerial Sensation” Truth Martini…I will treat you better than you treat yourselves.